we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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