my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
