she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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