I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
