is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
