i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
