i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
