if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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