meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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