I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
