Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
