i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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