It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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