so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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