omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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