There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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