I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
