she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
