i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
