You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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