oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
