she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
