Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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