Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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