in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
