Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
