hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
