i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
