so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
