I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
