Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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