Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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