Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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