today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
