we have pet lesbian snakes
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
