she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
