I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
