I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
