I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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