stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
