Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
