I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
