You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
