my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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