I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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