the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
