If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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