im holly from the hills drunk
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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