Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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