He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
