this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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