wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
