I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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