oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
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