this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
