Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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