Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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