Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
