i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
