Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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